GameHag rewards below 500SG #4: Santa's Big Adventures

Having trouble getting enough SG? Got your big rewards and still have some SoulGems to spare?
In this series of small reviews i'm doing, called "GameHag rewards below 500SG", i'm going to test and review some of the gamerewards you can get on GameHag for 500SG or less.
In this fourth episode I will be looking at Santa's big Adventures,, a Christmas themed platform game targeted to kids and casual gamers.
Santa's Big Adventures has a "Mostly Positive" and in this review you will find out if that rating is deserved or not.
Does Santa's Big Adventures contain the Spirit of Christmas or did the Grinch just pull a number on you?
Find out more about it by reading the review and stay tuned for more!

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

It's the night before Christmas 2016, late at night and the streets are colored white with snow. All the children are sound asleep. The houses are decorated with many colorful lights, halls are decked with boughs of holly and in each and every living room stands a big Christmas tree. That evening all the children have hung their stocking upon the fireplace, filled with anticipation and excitement, because Santa is coming, and Santa is bringing gifts.

Outside it's quiet and the sky is clear and dark. In the faint distance, a few tingling bells break the silence. A figure throws a shadow on the moon. It is the figure of a sleigh. It is Santa riding through the endless night, never stopping until he visited every child, naughty and nice.

On every rooftop, he makes a stop. The breath of his reindeer throws little cloudy puffs into the cold night air. With the help of a little Christmas Magic, Santa jumps down the chimneys carrying a big bag filled with children's wishes.

In the room below he drinks a little of the milk and takes a few freshly baked cookies, but after that, it's back to work. From his bag, he takes the gifts and fills the stockings. Call of Duties, Final Fantasies and Grand Theft Autos for all that have been nice.

The kids who've been naughty get Santa's Big Adventures for PC.




THE DEVELOPER WHO STOLE CHRISTMAS

Santa's Big Adventures is about as disappointing as a game could get. It is these type of poorly made games that give platforms such as Steam a bad reputation. If Steam has a department of quality control it makes you wonder who got bribed and greenlighted this abomination. It is the perfect gift for your enemies as a token of your hatred towards them; 'Happy Friggin Christmas you Douchebag!'

Even as a free game on a mobile device back in 2008 Santa's Big Adventures would be considered mediocre at best. The only things making it related to Christmas are the clearly ripped sprites of Santa Claus and the utter nerve wrecking 30-second looped background tune containing some jingling bells which makes you crave for Mariah Carey's infamous hit "All I Want for Christmas Is You". Self-described as "A good-looking platformer made for kids/casual gamers"(Steam - 2016) you might suspect that it exists to fool any unsuspecting parent into buying it as a last moment gift for their offspring after all the stores have closed.
It is clear that very little efforts were put into developing this game and I personally probably took more effort just writing this article.
Even the description on Steam has some nice tidbit of Engrish telling you to "Save the Christmas". The 'S' in 'Adventures' has probably put in there to avoid title copyright infringements.


NOT A  CHRISTMAS CAROL

Lacking any type of story, the game even makes little sense. Santa seems to have gone berserk attacking snowmen and own his own reindeer with snowballs, avoiding the occasional spikes while jumping from one snowy platform to another. And trust me when I say that this description sounds more exciting than playing the actual game. The goal is to collect all the presents that are scattered throughout the levels and deposit them in the chimneys. These chimneys just stand on the platform and lead to nowhere making you wonder if these presents are just containing more copies of Santa's Big Adventures waiting to be rightfully incinerated. That would actually make some sense.
There are 21 levels to complete in which you each have to collect a certain amounts presents and dump them in the chimney. Go ahead and burn them all.


I SAW MOMMY KISSING SANTA CLAUS

After that she gave him all your cookies and he dfecated in your toilet without a courtesy flush. The system requirements for PC are insane for this game. Needing at least Windows 7 on a 2GHz processor with 1GB or RAM and a whopping 100MB of drive space it makes you wonder where all those resources are being used for. Did you know DOOM has ports that run on calculators?




CONCLUSION:

Avoid this game!: Christmas may be the month of joy and giving, but traditionally the month following sees a surge in suicide rate. You might suspect games like this have a part in that. Santa's Big Adventure has an overall rating of "Mostly Positive" on Steam. I disagree. You don't want this game, your kid doesn't want this game. The developer doesn't deserve income for this game. Don't ruin your Christmas, don't buy this game. When reviewing these type of low-budget games I always try to find some redeeming qualities but with Santa's big Adventures I found none. I might have been less harsh judging Santa's big Adventures if the game was distributed freely but still I'd prefer a good old lump of coal.

Pros:
-Steam Trading Cards

Cons:
-Everything else


Santa's Big Adventures is available for only 400SG here on Gamehag.